It has been a while!

I haven't blogged for ages, and so have decided to do an 'update' post, as much as a momento for myself in the future as anything.

Boys

One thing I didn't blog about at the time was the break up with my now ex-boyfriend. We (or I) ended it in November of last year. Things had been not great for about 6 months, and I started getting frustrated at him and realising I didn't want to spend this minute, let alone the rest of my life with him. I also started noticing things about him that I really didn't like - I'm not sure whether I had turned a blind eye before because I was 'in love' or whether he was hiding his traits, probably a little of both.

We went on an overseas trip and on it, there were many instances where I realised how selfish he is. When he dumped all the bags on me and I was standing at the airport holding both mine and his, an image flashed through my head of 10 years down the track: I'd be holding all the bags, dealing with all of the kids running around me etc while he went off and did something like get a tax refund on his latest designer suit purchase. It wasn't what I wanted in a husband or the father of my children.

I realised several things the more I thought about it. Firstly, he was a very selfish and arrogant person and that wasn't going to change. Secondly, he brought out the worst in me. Thirdly, he was and always had been a lot more into the relationship than I had - I was swept up in it at one stage, but I don't think I ever loved him. I certainly had never said 'I love you' in the 18 months we'd been dating.

I was thinking about all of these things, and mulling over whether to end it or not, when I found out he was cheating. It made the decision very easy of course. The fact that he blamed me for his cheating was confirmation of what I already knew - he was selfish, and would not take responsibility for his own actions. Everything was always everyone else's fault.

I never thought I'd be a girl who was cheated on. When I had heard stories of cheating guys, I had always thought 'How couldn't she have known' or 'That would never happen to me'. It did happen to me, and it sucked... but that was 7 months ago now and I'm well and truly over him.

A few months after the break up, I started online dating. I've been doing it on and off ever since. It's tiring though - I don't like repeating myself over and over on emails to different guys, and then it's nerve wracking to meet them in person. So far I have been on dates with around 10 different guys. There was one guy who I was very interested in - we went on 7 dates over around 1.5 months, and then he suddenly ended it. Something changed at around date 5 and I couldn't figure out what at the time - I guess I'll never know what was going through his head or what was going on in his life. I was upset about that for a little while, but have moved on now. Of the other guys, I haven't wanted to see any of them again after the first date. I am very picky!

Work

I have well and truly come to the conclusion that I don't like law, and don't want to be a lawyer. I'd like nothing more than to go back to uni and study primary school teaching. It would mean a pay cut, and a drop in 'status' but at least I'd (hopefully) enjoy my work.

I have been thinking about this option for over a year now, and it's looking more and more likely as time goes on and as I struggle to get through every work week. Surely there is more to life than doing a job you really don't like...

Part of me was hoping I'd meet the man of my dreams and have babies, then I'd be able to be a part time Mum and do part time legal work which would provide a decent income for me... but I haven't met anyone and who knows how long it could take.

I told my Mum that I wanted to go back to uni and study teaching. It didn't go down well. The whole family is intent on changing my mind - they think it's a terrible idea. They are also all 'high achiever's, and up until now, I have done everything they could have wanted - breezed through high school with top marks, breezed through law school with top marks, gotten good jobs etc.

It's a hard enough decision for me to make without family support, as my Mum and the rest of my family are very important to me. I keep putting off the teaching idea so as not to dissapoint everyone (I brought it up around a year ago and my Mum's reaction was even worse, she absolutely freaked out) but as time goes on and as I struggle to get through each work day, I am starting to care less and less about what she thinks. I think I'll soon be ready to take the plunge.

Other

The 'other' category is not as exciting as I'd like! My life really just centers around work, getting through each work week, catching up with friends on weekends and then doing it all over again. 

I have put on weight (arrgh, yes more weight). I have been eating way too much chocolate and blaming it on hating my job and life etc. I have started trying to exercise - I now do boot camp twice per week which is fun and makes me feel good. The weight is sticking though, I'll actually have to cut out the junk food as well as exercising if I want to loose it. I think I gained another kilo over easter and am now at my heaviest EVER and am struggling to fit into my 'fat' clothes, so I really have to start doing something... I don't feel particularily motivated to though, which is worrying.

There is more in the 'other' category to come, so my next post can be based around that. My fingers are getting sore from typing now, this is such a long post!